Alright, day 25 today
and I have to say it really hasn't gotten any easier. I was pretty boastful
last post when I claimed that I only thought about cupcakes when I was cranky
or had waited too long to eat. Well, those days are over. It's not
like I am thinking about sweet goodies every second of the day or
anything, but I am definitely thinking of them. And as far as really
missing fruit- sure I miss it, but screw the fruit! Where are the cookies and
Caramel Soy Macchiatos??!!
So, clearly on day 25, I have not broken my habit. Because habits are of the mind. The overindulgent, pleasure seeking, greedy mind. I had been hopeful at first, that my new found understanding that sugar was the devil, would keep me from wanting it in the same way I had before this cleanse. Well, the new found mind set stuck around for awhile, but not for very long. I mean how important are our adrenals anyway? Just kidding. That's the sugar beast talking. The beast I fear will rear its ugly head again as soon as I indulge in sweets. Well, they do compare sugar addiction to heroine addiction in "Sugar Blues" and I believe it. I was truly hoping that at some point my consciousness would rise above the sugar and just simply not want it anymore. Well, if that day is to ever come, it won't be happening anytime soon. But, I suppose when you've spent 30yrs. creating a habit, maybe it takes just as long to break it.
Also, I have a confession. I slipped. It was just a little slip. But it happened. I was out eating Indian Food with my bf and you know how at the end of the meal they bring you that little dish of fennel seeds and some have that multicolored sugar coating? Well, we were paying the bill, I saw the little dish, and just like that I took a spoonful into my hand and popped those sugary fennel after dinner "mints" into my mouth. In fact it took me a good five minutes to realize what I had done. I gasped and said to Aaron, "Why didn't you say something!? I just ate the fennel candy!!" Of course he just gave me a look that reminded me that firstly, it wasn't his responsibility to keep me in check and also that I was being silly. Plus, he just plain hadn't noticed. Then he playfully, and encouragingly said "Your were just reminding your body- See body! This is bad for you! You can't have this!" I just sighed. I know, I know, you all are probably thinking how silly it is too- but this is just an example about how serious I am about this cleanse! It was a totally unconscious knee jerk reaction to having eaten at Indian food restaurants all of the time. Because believe me, if it had been conscious, I would have aimed higher- like a mango lassi or masala chai! But see, that's just it, it wasn't conscious. And that was my epiphany of the week.
Consciousness is really what it's all about-what everything is all about. If we took the time to really be aware, really be present, really be mindful of every little thing that we did- we'd all be making better choices. And that's not to say that any past choices we've made were bad ones. I am a true believe that every choice made is always the right one, no matter what, they're leading you on your own path- even when it doesn't seem that way in the moment. But, if we were more deliberate, more thoughtful, more present about how we lived each moment of our lives, I think we'd all be a lot happier, healthier and more grateful for our lives and all of the wonders in them. As small a thing as popping some fennel mindlessly into my mouth is, it really just made me aware of how "robotic" we can all be sometimes. We all have our routines that we go through every day. We don't think about them. Sometimes these routines are comforting to us in a way because we don't have to think about them. And because we are talking about food- just think, how many of us actually take the time to sit down, three times a day to eat. And I don't mean shoveling your food into your mouth "sitting " in your car or cramming something in your mouth as you are emailing clients from home before you leave in the morning or on your lunch break, "sitting " in front of the computer. I mean really truly sitting, enjoying, savoring the (hopefully delicious) food you have made for yourself. Yes, yes, I know most of us don't have time. Time. It's a funny thing. It seems that we make time for things, people & events only when we really have to. So,why is it we can't do so when it comes to taking care of ourselves? Hey, no finger pointing here! I am just as guilty as the next person. But it makes me wonder, if I did take the time to cook 3 delicious, balanced, healthy, satisfying meals for myself, that maybe, I would finally beat the sugar demon within and never want cane sugar sweets again? I don't know, it's a stretch but it's just a thought.
Well, five more days to go, and then what? I fear that the moment I give myself an inch with sugar indulging I will get sucked down into the downward spiral again. But my hope and my intention, is that if and when I decide it's the right time to indulge in some delicious sugary treat, I will do so with presence and with consciousness. And when I sit down to enjoy my treat, I will do just that. I will leave guilt at the door and I will taste every blissful morsel fully and it will satisfy me to the core, so much so, that perhaps the next sugar craving I have won't be five minutes later.
Do you like reading my blogs and want more? Sign up for my e-newsletter HERE to receive health and wellness tips, recipes and musings on a somewhat monthly basis. xo
So, clearly on day 25, I have not broken my habit. Because habits are of the mind. The overindulgent, pleasure seeking, greedy mind. I had been hopeful at first, that my new found understanding that sugar was the devil, would keep me from wanting it in the same way I had before this cleanse. Well, the new found mind set stuck around for awhile, but not for very long. I mean how important are our adrenals anyway? Just kidding. That's the sugar beast talking. The beast I fear will rear its ugly head again as soon as I indulge in sweets. Well, they do compare sugar addiction to heroine addiction in "Sugar Blues" and I believe it. I was truly hoping that at some point my consciousness would rise above the sugar and just simply not want it anymore. Well, if that day is to ever come, it won't be happening anytime soon. But, I suppose when you've spent 30yrs. creating a habit, maybe it takes just as long to break it.
Also, I have a confession. I slipped. It was just a little slip. But it happened. I was out eating Indian Food with my bf and you know how at the end of the meal they bring you that little dish of fennel seeds and some have that multicolored sugar coating? Well, we were paying the bill, I saw the little dish, and just like that I took a spoonful into my hand and popped those sugary fennel after dinner "mints" into my mouth. In fact it took me a good five minutes to realize what I had done. I gasped and said to Aaron, "Why didn't you say something!? I just ate the fennel candy!!" Of course he just gave me a look that reminded me that firstly, it wasn't his responsibility to keep me in check and also that I was being silly. Plus, he just plain hadn't noticed. Then he playfully, and encouragingly said "Your were just reminding your body- See body! This is bad for you! You can't have this!" I just sighed. I know, I know, you all are probably thinking how silly it is too- but this is just an example about how serious I am about this cleanse! It was a totally unconscious knee jerk reaction to having eaten at Indian food restaurants all of the time. Because believe me, if it had been conscious, I would have aimed higher- like a mango lassi or masala chai! But see, that's just it, it wasn't conscious. And that was my epiphany of the week.
Consciousness is really what it's all about-what everything is all about. If we took the time to really be aware, really be present, really be mindful of every little thing that we did- we'd all be making better choices. And that's not to say that any past choices we've made were bad ones. I am a true believe that every choice made is always the right one, no matter what, they're leading you on your own path- even when it doesn't seem that way in the moment. But, if we were more deliberate, more thoughtful, more present about how we lived each moment of our lives, I think we'd all be a lot happier, healthier and more grateful for our lives and all of the wonders in them. As small a thing as popping some fennel mindlessly into my mouth is, it really just made me aware of how "robotic" we can all be sometimes. We all have our routines that we go through every day. We don't think about them. Sometimes these routines are comforting to us in a way because we don't have to think about them. And because we are talking about food- just think, how many of us actually take the time to sit down, three times a day to eat. And I don't mean shoveling your food into your mouth "sitting " in your car or cramming something in your mouth as you are emailing clients from home before you leave in the morning or on your lunch break, "sitting " in front of the computer. I mean really truly sitting, enjoying, savoring the (hopefully delicious) food you have made for yourself. Yes, yes, I know most of us don't have time. Time. It's a funny thing. It seems that we make time for things, people & events only when we really have to. So,why is it we can't do so when it comes to taking care of ourselves? Hey, no finger pointing here! I am just as guilty as the next person. But it makes me wonder, if I did take the time to cook 3 delicious, balanced, healthy, satisfying meals for myself, that maybe, I would finally beat the sugar demon within and never want cane sugar sweets again? I don't know, it's a stretch but it's just a thought.
Well, five more days to go, and then what? I fear that the moment I give myself an inch with sugar indulging I will get sucked down into the downward spiral again. But my hope and my intention, is that if and when I decide it's the right time to indulge in some delicious sugary treat, I will do so with presence and with consciousness. And when I sit down to enjoy my treat, I will do just that. I will leave guilt at the door and I will taste every blissful morsel fully and it will satisfy me to the core, so much so, that perhaps the next sugar craving I have won't be five minutes later.
Do you like reading my blogs and want more? Sign up for my e-newsletter HERE to receive health and wellness tips, recipes and musings on a somewhat monthly basis. xo
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